Kong Hsi Fa Chai!

Yeah.
I know.
I am very, veeeeerrrrrrily late.
Tres retard.
Beats me.



All month I was swamped with mails.
Asking for my calendar.
Asking for my readings.
What do you mean what readings?
I read wind and water.
Hoomans call it feng shui.
I call it earthly drools.
In the animal world, we don't only have wind and water
we also have fire, earth, bone, drools
and anything and everything drooly.

Well, I told the peeps
that you don't need this drooly dog
to read your wind, water and fate.
Just go to your drooly newspaper . . .
. . . and voila!
You read your drooly fate,
drooly election blues,
and drooly bad news.
Well, you can't have everything.


So yesterday around 10 AM
people were celebrating Chinese New Year.
For other non-Chinese, they celebrated December 31.
But you're not cool if you only celebrate one NewYear.
I mean, look it, you only get 1 new year
when in drooly truth, there are 5!
But I ain't telling you the rest of them new years.
It gets awfully stressful, believe me.


Anydawg,
I told them peeps, it started earlier
around February 4 but nobody believed me.
People sucks.


Anydawg,
in Chinese tradition of feng shui
this new year is the year of the Golden Tiger.
Tiger, as in the meow family.
Those creepy noisy creatures that haunt my nights
and my charming feline friends that haunt my chatroom.
Hey, I love you snuggle-kutchy-cutey-CAT.
'nuffsed.


So if it is the year of the Tiger
what is this thing doing in our house Heaven?

I said T-I-G-E-R.
Excuse me, roarin' fella.
You are not in any of the 12 animals
listed in my feng shui.
Nope, I don't see any Lion in the list.
Heck, I don't even see a CAT in the list.
Sorry, MrT, you are soooo OUT.


Plus, you smell of dead toe nails
cracked nail polish and tired feet.
Anything and everything old and stale is OUT.


Bogart, don't ever go near that thing. . .


Too late.
My big black dopey brother
will smell anything and everything drooly.



Another February 14 Blues
Yeah, this is The Sequel
. . . and yeah, I'm drooly barking late
so get off my itchy back!



So OK, yesterday was Chinese New Year.
Dragon dance, fireworks, sticky cakes . . .

. . . and this pesky fellow.
Ooopsy. The NewYear does not tolerate Grumpy.
So, put on that okidokeyhappyTiger hooha look!


But ya see, it is also Heart month.
And when you get Tiger and Heart together
you get diabetically-yours sweety hooha.
Yeah, the kind that this Tiger sells in his doughnut shop.
Tiger pestered me all week to buy some of his stuff
to send to my lovey-dovey Cookie in Canada.


Wazdat, Tiger?
You want me to get sued by Channy?
You know anything too sweet,
filled with toxic chocolates
and drizzled with nuts
can practically send animals like us
to doggy hospital or worse,
from rainbow avenue to rainbow bridge!
MamaMiaSweetValentine!


Yes, even if you cover the chocolates
with fancy sugar-laden hooha
underneath is still chocolate doughnut
which is still VERY toxic for us!


Oh, stop it!
Even if you coat it with hot pink
which I am sure ma Cookie will love
underneath it is still CHOCOLATES!!!!
Try baking me something sugar-free,
chocolate-free, nuts-free
and maybe, we can talk.


So yes, it is also woofy Valentine's Day.
The balloons refused to leave Heaven.
It GLARES like an angry, snooty shout-out.
It looks like a pesky twitter message
that refused to leave me . . .


I hate balloons.
They pop.
You can't bite them.
You can't eat them.
And more importantly,
I can't send them to ma Cookie!!!!


Maybe, I'll ask Keeper to get our neighbor's flower . . .
. . . the red one that my flower-dog-brother Bogart
has been eyeing and sniffing for weeks.
But it is too high, too thorny,
PLUS, we might get jailed
for snitching a flower!


Last year, this was my Valentine . . .
. . . snuggling with some
of my hooman gurlfriends.


Last year, I finally met my first dog GF Cookie
and how I made this pawtrait of us together.
. . . but since I lost that blog
I have no way of knowing
when we met, how, what,
and when we will be able to go out again.


I miss you Cookie.
I drooly love you
like a roaring Tiger . . .
and I will Heart you
like forever. . .


Bogart already ate your yogurt
and now I wait alone in the dark alley
waiting for you to buzz me
so we can sniff and cuddle
through our drooly wifi fate . . .